you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
