babies were throwing up all over the place
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
