when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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