Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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