3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Come on in and take your pants off
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