I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
