i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
