The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
