My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
