so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
