the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
