We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
