I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize