You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
