My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
