I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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