went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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