If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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