The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
