my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
