I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
