sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
