i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
