I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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