Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
