Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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