So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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