i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
