im drinking this country out of the recession.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
