plz talk dirty to me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
