Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
