I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
