please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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