3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
