With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize