Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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