So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
