Don't you send me to vm
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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