So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not ubering you a puppy
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
