you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
