We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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