Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
