Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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