I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
