Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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