small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
