Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
