normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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