Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
