They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
