i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
