I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
