i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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