he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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