some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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