I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
