Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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