At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
