Your mouth is God's brothel.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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