Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
