u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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