If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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