idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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