made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
