Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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