'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
