he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
